Binge

Went through my first major binge since starting this blog. It was triggered by a night of drinking this past Saturday and started as soon as I got home (around 3am). I made myself a turkey sandwich and finished a large bottle of pomegranate juice. Skipped taking my Adderall and Topamax the following morning and that coupled with a hangover led to an entire day of over-eating. The morning started off with me making myself another turkey sandwich. My parents called maybe an hour later to ask if it were all right to bring home pizza for lunch while they watched the football games. They are very supportive in my goals and they've been doing very well trying to eat healthier too and if they wanted pizza while they watched the game they could have it. 3 pieces and three sodas later and I was full but not done. I went down for a large pelegrino. An hour later I made myself another large turkey sandwich; I also ate a few avocados while I was in kitchen making it. I felt shitty, I wished I could go back to the day before when I had felt on top of the world. I fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up craving chocolate cake. Went to the grocery store and bought an entire chocolate cake, a box of M&M cookies, and 5 pre-made trays of sushi. Ate two cookies on the way home. Shared some of the sushi with my dad. Had a bite of the chocolate cake and a few large glasses of milk but was really too full that I couldn't take another bite of the cake. Went upstairs. Few hours later came down and ate a few large slices of the cake and more milk. Went to bed feeling like shit. Yesterday morning, woke up, first thing I did was eat about of the chocolate cake and finished the milk. That was as far as it got yesterday. I threw the cake out.
The ups and downs suck. I can be on top of the world one day, and feel like I've left the old me behind, but I know that he'll creep back somehow. I like to believe that each time he does that I've learned SOMETHING about myself or someway to better fight the binges in the future. But maybe he just learns a better way to get at me.